After reading all my complaints for 5 arduous years, I am proud to say that...

I AM NOW A PHARMACIST!

Whoo!!! -waves the poms poms and dances-

It's been a long and personally, needless, journey for whether I would remain as a pharmacist for years to come remains to be seen. Still, it's not a bad thing to prepare a backup plan.

After studying for 4 years plus a year of pathetic pay amounting to less than 2k, our new pay is akin to a fresh graduate pay. What is the point of the additional year, I ask. Atlas, the government has announced plans to review our salaries! Guess, I'll just have to wait for good news this coming April!

Many many things have been happening lately, and there is just so much swirling in my mind. I can't bring myself to pen it down, and I would rather concentrate on the happy and cheery. Bangkok in April!! Whoo! I can't wait. A break from the mundane workload.

Was my last post that long ago? I thought I posted more.. Oh wells. When you start working, everything sorts of get lost in time. In 6 weeks time, I'll be getting my license. I would be a full fledge pharmacist. Why doesn't that bring me joy? The road has been so long and arduous yet being a pharmacist is that glorious and neither is it well paid either. Sometimes, I wonder what did I do in the last 5 years. If I were to give up being a pharmacist, would it all be for nought? sometimes, I feel that all boys/guys are the same. They are all self centered to a certain degree. Or maybe I just pamper them too much. Or maybe I'm juste a bitch. Whatever. Life is all about being caught in the rat race. This is not life. This is running the race. There is no passion to speak of, for it gets you nowhere. I will never have children for they would end up getting caught in the rat race as well. I wanna die young. I wanna die when I'm the happiest.

Before I shifted to hall, I used to spent 1 hour each morning during the weekend blogging about my thoughts and feelings before heading down to Tampines library. I think that was what kept me sane as I mugged through JC for my A levels.

In university, Raffles Hall kept me busy enough such that I had no time for thinking. Either I was staying up through the night with friends; with my notes; with a nagging deadline; or for a freaking meeting. Even when I was not surrounded by people, I would be in front of the computer sending out e-mails; rushing through assignments; struggling through lab reports; or just have a quiet 'me' time watching my favourite TV series. I did not have much time to study, and even if I did have the time to study, I would always, and mark my words, ALWAYS be rushing to cram as much stuff as I possibly could into that pea-brain of my mine, just hours before the test/exam, hence negating the allowance for my brain to wonder on its own path.

Now, I have all the time to study after work - time I never had in university, but I realized why I never had the time in university. I deliberately not gave myself time then, for I knew that sitting myself down to study would just drive my mind down the path of fantasy and a nice walk through that forbidden forest I dread. With more than ample time to study now, the truth of how little I know grows larger and larger before me with its silhouette threatening to engulf me. The fear of the future largely amplified by the deafening silence that accompanies me through the night as I plow through my notes.

Sometimes, I wish I could go back to the days where I was always busy; where I never had the time to let my mind wander down that dark valley.

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I can finally lie on my back in bed!! After 2 days of terrible sunburns - to the point where I can't even lie on my back when I sleep at night - I can finally have a peaceful night, and not get woken up by the pain or by the awkwardness of my sleeping position that leaves me with muscle aches here and there!

The sunburn is worth it though!! Had a wonderful time at the beach with baby although both of us got badly burnt. Well, that'll teach us not to attempt that again! We shall not underestimate the lethal rays of the sun! On a lighter note, I'm sure the both of us have enough vitamin D to last through the week! =P

Awesome! WE HAVE A LIFE Peeps! =)

I've been reading the past posts on the other blog, and I realised, I am truly, seriously blessed to have met you.

I love the way you smile at me across the room.
I love the way you buy breakfast for me once in a while.
I love the way you stroke my cheeks.
I love the way you whine to me.
I love the way you make me happy.
I love the way you look at me.

I just LOVE YOU!
You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. =)

For women who are 'difficult' to love.

you are a horse running alone
and he tries to tame you
compares you to an impossible highway
to a burning house
says you are blinding him
that he could never leave you
forget you
want anything but you
you dizzy him, you are unbearable
every woman before or after you
is doused in your name
you fill his mouth
his teeth ache with memory of taste
his body just a long shadow seeking yours
but you are always too intense
frightening in the way you want him
unashamed and sacrificial
he tells you that no man can live up to the one who
lives in your head
and you tried to change didn't you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
prettier
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
him traveling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do love
split his head open?
you can't make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love.

Just because she is always up there. Always in a position of authority doesn't mean that she is always right?

What has she to base on for me to call her mum?
Has she guided me through anything?

Where was she during my university years?
I was so happy to be away from her!

Does she think that spending those hundreds of dollars on me is suffice to win me over?
SHE WAS NEVER HERE.

What gives her the right to call me RUDE
She is always so superficial that it IRKS me.

What's the point of always being so high and mighty!!!
I HATE THIS SOCIETY
It is just made up of FAKE people with FAKE smiles and FAKE attitude.
IT STINKS.

You tell me all the hopes that you have; everything you wish I would be.
You compare me with every other children on earth; rank me with every other person on earth.
Has there been a point where you are ever proud of me?

I'm so tired trying to be someone I'm not meant to be.

I'm so tired now;
IN THIS STUPID SOCIETY
WHERE NOTHING IS REAL.

Where everything is merely done to please someone else...

My blog name is superficially realistic.. I wonder how does that work out? I guess it's as confusing as life. Maybe I'm just a really complicated person with complex thoughts.

Anyhow, you know how after certain depressing moments, you'll tell yourself, I'll not go through that again; or, things can't possibly get worse; or, I'll make sure it does not happen again?

Well, more often than not, things just have to go against the way you want it to be. I thought I grew stronger after everything. I thought I would never let something so minor get to me ever. I thought I was... well, yeah, stronger. But today, I realised how weak I still am, how useless I still am, and how I really still am the girl I was 2 years ago. All those ludicrous ideas of me growing stronger are simply full of shit because that simply did not happen. Getting terribly distracted at work, and then getting so worked up in public simply proves how fallible I am.

Haiz..

Just simply tired.